BLOG — Janey Fritsche

The week after I painted portraits of George Floyd and Breonna Taylor, I painted the portrait of Ahmaud Arbery. I have struggled to explain what it felt like to paint these portraits, and now I wonder if that is even pertinent. My hope is that what I say is not offensive to members of the Black community.

These paintings took me to an almost dream-like state. I had to push aside my anger regarding the three murderers who chased this young man down as he was jogging through the neighborhood. It was impossible for me to look at the images online and not feel rage and despair.

I thought about the legacy of Black people in the US, and how this is probably their every day range of emotions they have dealt with for hundreds of years. Now there is information available that indicates that violence is carried in the DNA for generations. We have much reparation to do.

But I wanted to focus on something different while I painted. I read Mr. Arbery’s obituary and thought about his mother whom he lived with, and all the loved ones left behind. The process of being in a dream-like painting space opened my heart into a receiving. It’s like I could feel the beautiful spirit of these young people and those they had left behind. I wanted to honor them and do what I could to provide a tribute to their lives.

One of the things I’ve shared with friends is that I felt like anyone who took the time to look, really look, and paint portraits of these dear departed ones would be changed … even the murderers. Connecting on such deep levels expands ones awareness of the humanity in all of us; we truly are all one. That is not to undermine the fact that historically we have not been treated as equals; far from it, sadly. As the Dalai Lama says, my religion is kindness. We have much to learn, and cultivating the mind and heart for kindness and compassion is a good step forward.

For those who are interested in expanding their awareness of Black culture and history, here is a helpful link.

Anti-racism resources of organizations, films, books, podcasts, social media, etc

Join the global movement and contribute: BlackLivesMatter.com ACLU.org

(For those who have asked, all three paintings are oil on cradled birch panel, 24” x 24”, and I don’t know yet what I will do with them. I don’t intend to sell them. Perhaps they will be given to the victims’ families, if they are interested. Or perhaps used to raise funds for a worthy BLM cause. Hopefully, they will be of help somehow. They have already felt like a blessing for me while painting them.)

I am hoping that my paintings and writings are not offensive to the Black community. It is hard to know what is okay to do in order to help. Should I just be listening and learning and not be active for now? Pema Chodron’s words, “Fail, Fail Again, Fail Better” emboldened me to do what feels instinctively right … even if it doesn’t seem to work out, at least initially. This is my first blog posting, so it is another learning experience.

Painting the portraits of George Floyd and Breonna Taylor came from a place of sadness, love, deep compassion and empathy. The stark cruelty of the video of George Floyd’s death was emotionally inescapable for me … and the world. I kept thinking of his mother and how horrible it must be for her. Even though I haven’t painted a portrait for many years, I knew I had to give it a try; an outlet was needed for all these emotions.

It was about 90 degrees in my studio the day I painted George Floyd’s picture. It felt so intimate looking closely at his photograph and responding with paint. There were some tears balanced with some great soul music to sing along to … sometimes loudly, while I worked. The process felt fast and free and scary, unfamiliar and familiar; all tangled up with feelings of love and grief. Sometimes I would silently talk to him while I painted and tell him how sorry I was for what happened.

A couple of days later, I painted a portrait of Breonna Taylor, another heart-breaking death that is too painful to believe. She was an emergency medical technician at home asleep after midnight when police officers with a “no-knock” search warrant (for suspected drug deal) ended up shooting her eight times. No drugs were found on the premises. It was all a terrible screw-up.

The more I looked at her photograph, the more I appreciated her beauty. The selfie looks like it was taken from the passenger side of the front seat, and her hair / makeup / skin / everything was perfection. Maybe she was going to a party; she looks peaceful and pretty and confident. I wanted to let her bright energy shine through. It felt like a bond of tenderness with her.

These tragedies seem just impossible to believe. But we all know similar, unnecessary violence against Blacks happens all too frequently … on so many levels. Systemic racism is entrenched and resistant. This must be the turning point. It’s time we stand together.

Join the global movement and contribute: BlackLivesMatter.com ACLU.org

Anti-racism resources of organizations, films, books, podcasts, social media, etc

(For those who have asked, both paintings are oil on cradled birch panel, 24” x 24”, and I don’t know yet what I will do with them. I don’t intend to sell them. Perhaps they will be given to the victims’ families, if they are interested. Or perhaps used to raise funds for a worthy BLM cause. Hopefully, they will be of help somehow. They have already felt like a blessing for me while painting them.)